Living in fast forward.

I'll keep this brief because it is depressing, but I don't want you skeptics out there to think I am completely without emotion. Sometimes it feels like we're all living in fast forward. And the button's broke on the remote control. Before I even knew what happened, I quit the Girl scouts, was out of high school, out of college, getting married, now I'm waiting for my parents to retire, and it's all a blur, pock marked by the highs and lows of love and loss.



This year finds us at some of our most difficult times, I have to be glad it's almost over. My husband and I struggled thru the illness and death of my father in law. We're living with a mortgage for a house we can't move to. My mother-in-law is leaving the farm and abandoning us to convert to condo living (I can't blame her, sometimes I feel like the farm can be overwhelming too). I've had a turbulent year at work thus far, my boss and I speak in terms of 'making it to the end of the year.' ( - no one else knows that but he and I). Myself, my loved ones, my pets, we're all one year older, which makes me sad knowing the years are ticking by and we all have to work so hard just to survive that we never have enough time or money to be able to spend the time together we'd all like to.

Before you know it.



But time has not been wasted, nor have I allowed it to slither thru my fingers without taking a way a few valuable lessons.
*I learned what a reward it is to be able to comfort your spouse and make them feel, really feel your love and support.
*I can keep a level head thru a crisis (I kind of always suspected).
*We, as husband and wife, have to be there for each other.
*As horrifying and awkward as this may come out, it is a beautiful experience for a family member to die amongst their loved ones. To be able to say, "I was there for him," and know that you truly were to the very end, to ignore your pain to comfort someone else.
*And, I have suspected this for a year or so, but I am getting old(er).