On the road again...

We are planning a road trip to Arkansas this weekend. - Please note that even though tomorrow is our departure date, I still use the verb 'planning'. This is because my husband and I plan lots of things, just never do much. Usually he insights some petty argument and I tell him to forget it. I'd rather spend the weekend in bed watching TV than torturing other innocent bystanders by being hateful to each other in public. We're planning to drive to Arkansas Friday (15-18 hour drive) and look at real estate Saturday and Sunday, then drive back Monday (another 15-18 hours), so I can be back at work on Tuesday. Sounds like fun, right. One of the realtors I spoke to told me that Saturday is the start of gun hunting season for dear, so be sure to wear red or orange since we'll be doing a lot of hiking in the woods. Given that we both survive, and I don't mean from the hunters, I mean the four days in close proximity to each other, it should at the very least be an exciting trip.
I'm not sure why we're still married, could be the torture factor, maybe neither of us would be happy without someone else to torture, or it could be that one of us filing for divorce would be like conceding victory to the other. Who knows, but we are.

Today being my last day of work for the week, my boss and his dad have dumped a bunch of crap work on me that neither of them feel like doing, but hey, that's my job - crap that nobody wants to do. It's just so considerate of them to make sure that I don't miss out on any work that I could have done.

The other day, the father tells me that he's going out to collect the rent from one of our habitually late tenants down the street. (He tells me every time he steps away from his desk in case anyone ever is looking for him, which hasn't happened yet, including when he'll be in the john, which can be for extended periods). Ok, no problem, boss comes in, we're both getting work done (probably since dad's gone and not barging into my office, rifling thru my desk drawers while I'm sitting at it), when dad calls in;
'I guess you're wondering why I've been gone so long,'
- It had been two hours since he left, but I can't say that I was wondering, so I humor him...
'I picked up the rent check, and I was backing out of the driveway and hit a parked car across the street, can you come down and bring the insurance information?'
Sure, the rental is only like six city blocks away, no big deal.
When I get there I ask him, why don't you just write them a note and leave it on the windshield? - stupid question #1
(I once saw a sitcom or something where the guy hit a car in a parking lot, and he wrote a note that said 'I'm writing this note because people are watching me' and put it under the windshield wiper and drove away.)
'Well,' (and please try to imagine him speaking with a slow, southern draw, which, incidentally is like venom being injected into my eardrums, probably because to him I'm a born 'Yankee' - who still says that?)
'Well, I'm waiting for the police to come.'
Why? - stupid question #2
because it's a felony to hit and run.'
Who called the police? - stupid question #3
'I did.'
Apparently, he had been banging on random doors in the apartment complex where the car was parked for the past two hours trying to find the owner. I'm a little surprised that the tenants didn't call the police too. Now, I understand that he was trying to do the right thing, but how long was he going to hang around? What if they were on vacation or something?
So, in the interest of preserving my sanity, I hand him the post-it with the policy number on it, wish him luck and head back to headquarters, where I proceed to tell the boss what has occurred with his father. 'What the - F - is he thinking!?!?' he exclaimed - loud.
I need to briefly explain that my boss has not yet learned to control his foul mouth and I spend a lot of embarrassing time making excuses for why he was triple X cursing in front of old ladies. Now, I just tell people that he has a mild form of turrets and that he's off his meds.
Needless to say, he runs out of the building to go to the rental to do damage control, since his father's not covered on the company truck.
Eventually the owner of the car shows up and gets the insurance information. Then the police show up and write him a ticket for impropper backing for $120.00.
How's that for being an upstanding citizen? Not only did he call the police on himself, but he sat around waiting for them to come give him a ticket! I'd say he had a very productive morning, he committed a crime, and caught the criminal all in one act.
I would have written a free note.